Catholic Humor/Puns

Once there was a thief who stole a priest's wristwatch, and then went to Confession immediately afterwards to that same priest. He said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned, it's been yaddah yaddah since my last Confession. I stole a wristwatch, but now I feel really bad about it and don't want it anymore. Here--you take it."

Father replies, "No thank you. You should give it back to the person you stole it from."

"Well, I offered it to him, but he didn't want it."

"In that case, you can keep it."

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"If Satan ever goes bald, there'll be Hell Toupee!"
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Two cannibals were sitting around chewing the fat one day, when one of them mentioned that no matter how long he boiled them, he still couldn't get a missionary tender enough to satisfy him.

"What kind of missionaries do you use?" asked the other cannibal.

"You know — the fat ones with the brown robes and the funny haircuts."

"Ah ha," replied the other. "You're not supposed to boil that kind — they're friars!"
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Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.