Home Remedies
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY
GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE
TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF
AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON
YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL
PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP
AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES.
THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.
IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT
SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN
ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING
BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE
STAIRS.
11 comments:
lol
Some unpleasant mental images there, and then some very, very pleasant mental images. ;-)
Thanks for the chuckles, Choir.
Remember those candies called "chuckles".
I used to love "chuckles" and "NECCO Wafers".
Thanks for making me laugh out loud, I needed it! :)
Thanks for the laughs; #7 made me laugh out loud!
Now I offer an alternative home remedy for #1 - the problem of cutting oneself when slicing vegetables. Avoid cutting yourself by eating cookies instead of vegetables! (Please don't tell any of my children that I just said this - they might take it to heart! ;-)
Do you remember the chewy square pink candy with little pieces of colored spots called frenchies?
Anon 12:56. I don't remember those. I do remember French Creams which Fanny Farmers used to sell. I think was is terrible is ribbon candy. eewww.
CHOIR,I love good ribbon candy. Not the cheap sticky stuff.
Do you remember when penny candy was a penny and candy bars were a nickel and cokes were a dime in pop machine,you had to pull the bottle by its neck out of the hole.
Now everyone knows I'm old!
Maybe I always had the sticky stuff, I hated it. It was always jabbing into the roof of my mouth.
For some reason my parents called it soda and not pop. It stops being called soda and starts being pop somewhere around the Herkimer area. NYC influence. If we had soda, it was always Pepsi or RC. Remember Clicquot Club Ginger Ale?
CHOIR. My parents were from Albany we were forbiden to say pop. They said it was slang.We had to say soda. Cocktails were high balls. We could,t say jeeze or geeze to close to saying Jesus. When my mother use to get really mad, she would say I DON'T GIVE A TINKERS DAM..We would be scared to death we thought we drove her to swearing!
Anon: Yes, yes, sounds similiar to my parents, especially the "Tinkers Damn".
My mother tried this on me "If you don't behave, I'll rip your arm off and beat you over the head with the bloody stump".
Did your Mom ever says "Stop cussing". I haven't heard that word since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. Gotta love them old expressions.
23 skiddo now.
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