The Religiosity of Starbucks

I was asked by a friend: Why would God be a Caramel Machiatto?

My response:

Because a Caramel Machiatto contains a metaphor for the Roman Catholic Church, aka, "the Church."

First, you start off with a shot of syrup in the bottom of the cup: a small, but concentrated group of believers first worshiped deep down in the catacombs.

Second, you put in the milk: Missionaries spread the faith, diffusing the concentrated core of believers and sending the faith all over the world.

Third, three shots of espresso: Father, Son, Holy Ghost.

You can add a fourth shot in "Affogatto Style": One, Holy, Catholic, Apostolic.

After that, the foam is put on the top: like the zuchetto of the pope.

Finally, there is a sheet of caramel sauce drizzled over the whole thing: the clergy add sweetness and vibrancy to the Church, and without them, the Church wouldn't be "Church." Without this caramel glaze, it wouldn't be a Caramel Machiatto.

Ergo, a Caramel Machiatto is the Church.

Protestants would be a chai laté: made from concentrate, and from a box. Just like their theology.

Schismatic Catholics (aka "yeah, Protestants") would be a Decaf Caramel Machiatto: it sort of tastes the same, but there's no real kick to it. Why get coffee when you don't get the fulfillment?

Atheists would be Green Tea Frappucino: doesn't acknowledge the existence of taste.